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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827470">luminescence [sparks for you]</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomasRain/pseuds/PhantomasRain'>PhantomasRain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:14:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827470</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomasRain/pseuds/PhantomasRain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In finalé,<br/>all lights that burned bright,<br/>all lights that sparked with happiness<br/>all those lights decayed and basked in the sunlight of nothingness</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>luminescence [sparks for you]</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div class="dc_wt b_clearfix">
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      <p>
        <strong>luminescence</strong>
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  <p> </p>
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  <blockquote>
    <p> </p>
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    <div class="b_hPanel">
      <p>
        <strong>[ˌlo͞oməˈnesəns]</strong>
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      <div class="dc_aud_wrp">
        <p> </p>
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    <p> </p>
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      <div class="dc_st b_clearfix">
        <p> </p>
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          <p>
            <span class="u"> <strong>NOUN</strong> </span>
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      </div>
      <ol class="b_dList b_indent">
<li>
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<div class="dc_pm">
<div class="dc_mn b_promtxt"><strong>the emission of light by a substance that has not been heated, as in fluorescence and phosphorescence.</strong></div>
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</li>
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  </div>
</div><p> </p><hr/><p><b> <span class="u">falling for you</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>first</b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>"Kenma!"<br/>Kuroo called out.</p><p>They were younger when Kuroo finally realized.</p><p>"Kuroo,"<br/>the full dark brown haired boy said, entering Kuroo's room with a blanket in hand.</p><p>"You're here!"<br/>he grinned.</p><p>"of course I am,"<br/>Kenma huffed, sitting down beside him.</p><p>"What do you wanna watch?"<br/>Kuroo asked.</p><p>"Anime,"<br/>is all Kenma said as he plopped onto the bed, rolling over to him.</p><p>"Which one?"<br/>Kuroo asked.</p><p>"Doesn't matter,"<br/>Kenma stated, looking at the screen.</p><p>"Mhm mhm,"<br/>Kuroo hummed as he put one on.</p><p>Kenma sat up and plopped his head onto Kuroo's shoulder.<br/>"Don't say a word.<br/>It's cold outside,"<br/>he grumbled.</p><p>Kuroo laughed.<br/>"All right,"<br/>he said softly, leaning closer to his friend.</p><p>Kenma watched the tv,<br/>Kuroo watched Kenma.</p><p>It made kuroo happy to see sparks flashing in Kenma's eyes each time he got excited or curious.<br/>It made kuroo happy to be with kenma.</p><p>that's... that's when he knew.</p><p>--</p><p>"Kuroo?"<br/>Kenma called out, pausing the anime.</p><p>He deadpanned, finding his friend had fallen asleep, his face buried in one of the pillows that surrounded them.</p><p>He frowned, but panic soon filled him as he realized kuroo could easily suffocate.<br/>he pushed kuroo over to where he face was facing the ceiling, and he removed the other pillows just in case.<br/>he snuggled up beside him, facing the tv as he continued watching the anime.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>second</b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>"How do you forget a jacket so easilyyy?"<br/>Kuroo exclaimed, quickly taking off his.</p><p>"I forget things easily,"<br/>Kenma said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"Put it on,"<br/>Kuroo said, glaring at him.</p><p>"You always do this and-"<br/>"And you always say no-"<br/>"And then you force me to put it on."</p><p>"exactly, now put it on,"<br/>Kuroo said with a smile.</p><p>Kenma huffed but put it on.<br/>He deadpanned. <br/>He hated how big Kuroo's sweater was compared to his.</p><p>"Wanna go get some tea?"<br/>Kuroo suggested.<br/>However, Kenma was focused on something else.</p><p>"Look, it's you,"<br/>he said, pointing to a pineapple in the store's window.</p><p>"That's totally me,"<br/>Kuroo agreed, nodding his head.</p><p>Kenma laughed.<br/>Kuroo fell in love again.</p><p>-</p><p>That night, out of nowhere, Kenma sent him a picture.</p><p>A picture of an angora rabbit,<br/>with the single word 'you' beneath it.</p><p>Kuroo burst into laughter once he saw it, but he didn't deny it of course.<br/>He simply agreed, saying the bunnies had a sense of style, which Kenma laughed at.</p><p>---<br/>---</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>third</b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>kuroo continued his ranting, letting a sigh once he was finished.<br/>"ya know?"<br/>he said, facing Kenma.</p><p>his eyes widened in surprise once he saw kenma had his eyes focused on him, no video game or phone in hand.</p><p>"oh.. you were-"</p><p>"I listen to you, kuroo.. especially on your bad days,"<br/>kenma murmured, his brows furrowing.</p><p>"but no, I don't know how it feels to watch a cat tumble over,"<br/>he added.</p><p>kuroo cried out a welp.<br/>"I'm the only one who knows the pain?! he just went... 'plop',"<br/>kuroo cried, covering his face with his hands in shame.</p><p>"you're a dork, kuroo,"<br/>kenma sighed out, patting his back.</p><p>"you know it,"<br/>kuroo said with a welp.</p><p>---<br/>---</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>fourth</b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>kenma picked up the kitty, smiling as it curled up to him.</p><p>"how is this working out so well for you?"<br/>kuroo asked with a frown, reaching his hand out to the cat next to him, who hissed and ran away.</p><p>"they love me,"<br/>kenma said, squishing the kitty's cheek against his,<br/>the cat nuzzled kenma's cheek.</p><p>his eyes then caught into two kitties, one was bigger than the other and it was trying to get the ball plushie from the smaller one, his eyes lit up.</p><p>"it's us!"<br/>kenma said, putting the cat in his hands onto the pillow next to them.</p><p>"no its–"<br/>kuroo looked at the kitties with curiosity.<br/>"That one's Kuroo and that one's Kenma!"<br/>he smiled, appointing the bigger kitty as Kuroo and the smaller as Kenma.</p><p>"Yeah!"<br/>kenma agreed, a giggle following with excitement.<br/>Kuroo fell in love, again, again, and all over again.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>fifth.</b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Kuroo let out a groan, laying down on Yaku's therapist couch with a sigh.</p><p>"you're an idiot,"<br/>yaku stated, frowning at him.</p><p>"a big idiot..."<br/>kuroo frowned, hugging the pillow for comfort.</p><p>"get a life,"<br/>yaku said.</p><p>"you're the best therapist in the world, Yaku!"<br/>kuroo exclaimed, tears brimming in his eyes.<br/>"so I will, I will go get a life."</p><p>Yaku blinked, tilted his head.<br/>"or you could just confess to him. that might help,"<br/>he said.</p><p>kuroo gasped and shook his head.<br/>"that's your worst idea, Yaku!"</p><p>"you'll get a life but you won't simply go up to kenma and say 'i like you',"<br/>Yaku stated, facepalming as he sucked in a deep breath.</p><p>"yes,"<br/>kuroo stated, resting his head on the pillow.</p><p>kuroo would fall in love with kenma,<br/>over and over.</p><p>kuroo would want to be with kenma,<br/>forever and ever.</p><p>kuroo...<br/>kuroo would be a fool for kenma,<br/>over and over.</p><p>---<br/>---</p><p><span class="u"> <b>Winter With You</b> </span> <b></b></p><p>---<br/>---</p><p>"Kenmaaa, how do you-"</p><p>Kenma placed the last slice of gingerbread onto the top for Kuroo.</p><p>"You're the best!"<br/>Kuroo exclaimed, hugging Kenma.</p><p>Kenma rolled his eyes, pushing him away.</p><p>"We've been make a gingerbread house together for years and each time you need help with the roof.."<br/>he said with a sigh.</p><p>"Of course I do! It's so hard,"<br/>Kuroo said, looking at his gingerbread house with pride.</p><p>"You're a dork,"<br/>kenma snorted, shaking his head as he reached for the cookies.</p><p>"Here, I made this one for you,"<br/>he said, handing it to Kuroo.</p><p>"Ooooo!! Whats this?"<br/>kuroo asked, looking at it.</p><p>"Cats,"<br/>Kenma said as he took out his phone to take a picture of the gingerbread houses.</p><p>"Kuroo,"<br/>he then called out.</p><p>"ya, got it,"<br/>he said, grabbing the phone and taking a better picture of the gingerbread houses for Kenma. he then took one of the cats.</p><p>"Awww they're so cute!"<br/>Kuroo said, then he gasped.<br/>"Are they supposed to be us?!"</p><p>Kuroo looked at the cats, highfiving each other. One was a black cat, the other was black with yellow-orange spots.</p><p>"I LOVE ITTT!"<br/>Kuroo squealed.</p><p>Kenma burst into laughter, he quickly tried to hide it, covering his mouth.</p><p>"Wha-"</p><p>"Your voice was so high pitched, Kuroo!"<br/>kenma laughed.</p><p>Kuroo soon burst into laughter as well.</p><p>He looked at Kenma,<br/>He smiled softly, watching as his friend's eyes lit up.</p><p>He saw <b>sparks</b> in Kenma's eyes.</p><p>He fell in love again.</p><p><span class="u"> <b>.dreaming for you.</b> </span> <b></b></p><p>1.</p><p>Kozume stared in awe.<br/><em>How could someone be</em><em>...</em></p><p>The boy a year younger talked with excitement in his eyes.<br/>He had orange hair and Kenma could tell he was shot, even though he was sitting down.</p><p>"Okay, so is your high school's team good?"<br/>he asked.</p><p>Kozume stared at his phone,<br/>reading the message Kuroo had sent asking where he was.</p><p>"I'm not so sure.<br/>They said it used to be good, but then it went downhill. <br/>But only recently,"<br/>he paused, ignoring Kuroo's message.</p><p>He smiled once Kuroo sent an angry face.<br/>Turning to the boy, whose name was Shoyo Hinata, he said,<br/>"I'd say it's a pretty good team."</p><p>Kozume was confused when his face turned to one of shock.</p><p>"Which school is it?"<br/>he asked, but Kuroo's voice overpowered his.</p><p>"Kenma!"<br/>he stood in front of them, his eyes slightly angry.<br/>Kozume couldn't comprehend why.</p><p>"Kuroo,"<br/>he stated in acknowledgement, putting his phone back into his pocket.<br/>He walked up to his long time friend.</p><p>"Gotta go," he raised up his hand in a wave, "See you later, Shoyo."</p><p>Shoyo raised a hand up, waving back, but his expression was still one of shock.<br/>Kozume followed Kuroo.</p><p>"Don't go wandering off like that,"<br/>Kuroo scolded.</p><p>"Sorry,"<br/>Kozume stated.</p><p>"You don't know your way around here, so be careful,"<br/>Kuroo added, slight harshness in his voice that Kenma was used to when Kuroo got protective.</p><p>"Right," Kenma said, secretly narrowing his eyes in protest to his friend.</p><p>Kuroo then smiled, as if it had never happened. "What were you doing anyway?" he asked.</p><p>"I met the middle blocker we're up against..." Kozume murmured. <br/>Kuroo raised a brow and let him continue explaining.</p><p><b> <span class="u">gaming with you</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p>Kuroo turned to Kozume, <br/>who was playing on his game.</p><p>Kuroo smiled softly.<br/>"Kenma, want some water?"<br/>he asked.</p><p>"No,"<br/>Kozume stated, his eyes full focused on his game.</p><p>Kuroo frowned and glared at him.<br/>Kozume continued playing, deciding to ignore him.</p><p>"Fine then,"<br/>Kuroo grunted, moving over to his friend.</p><p>It was about midnight now,<br/>but they didn't care.</p><p>Kuroo didn't care what time it was,<br/>as long as he was with Kozume,<br/>not even time mattered.</p><p>"I'll play a game with you.<br/>If I win, you drink some water. If I lose, you drink some water,"<br/>Kuroo stated, a fake seriousness in his voice.</p><p>A smile graced Kozume's face.</p><p>And maybe, for a split second, Kuroo was taken back, looking at who his eyes lay on, and he cherished it because he was able to see it.</p><p>"Fine then. Try your best,"<br/>he said, his smile changing into a smirk.</p><p>Kuroo's smile faltered as he got lost into the beauty of it all,<br/>of Kenma's smile, of his hair, everything.</p><p>"I'm gonna win!!"<br/>Kuroo exclaimed with determination.</p><p>"no you won't,"<br/>Kozume stated nonchalantly.</p><p>"Don't say that! I will!"<br/>Kuroo grabbed his chest as if it hurt and faking his pain.</p><p>Kozume rolled his eyes.<br/>"I don't want to lie to you,"<br/>he stated.</p><p>Kuroo let out a giant laugh.<br/>"Right!"</p><p>He wished he could play games with Kenma forever.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>Kuroo might've lost, but Kenma agreed to drink the water.<br/>So all was great and good.</p><p>"Kenma?"<br/>Kuroo questioned with confusion as to why his car stopped moving in the game.</p><p>He saw the gamer boy was asleep with his knees pulled tightly to his chest.<br/>Kuroo rolled his eyes, "Idiot who doesn't sleep," he sighed, then grinned as he carefully picked up aka dragged Kenma back into his own bed.</p><p>Kuroo let out a huff as he wrapped the blankets around the younger boy.<br/>"Done," he sighed out, clasping his hands together.</p><p>He quickly cleaned the room up, putting everything up. <br/>He shut off Kenma's games and grabbed his things.</p><p>"Goodnight, Kenma,"<br/>he murmured, smiling softly at him.</p><p>A small murmur followed in response,<br/>but it was too soft to know if it was 'shut up' or 'go away'.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled and walked out of the room, heading to his own house.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p><span class="u"> <b>jealous</b> </span> <b></b></p><p>Kuroo grit his teeth, he watched as Kenma watched Hinata.</p><p>"Oi, Kuroo, focus,"<br/>Yaku was quickly at his side, giving him his bottle of water.</p><p>"Don't think about it so much. Just focus on the game,"<br/>He continued, noticing Kuroo hadn't taken his eyes off of Kenma.</p><p>Kuroo turned to him and nodded.<br/>This was just a Practice Match, he didn't need to get all worked up.</p><p>But, as soon as he got in, he made sure to fight with all he's got.</p><p>-</p><p>A grin appeared on his face as he realized he'd won.</p><p>Even a simple Practice Match gave him enough hope for the future.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>jealousy hit him again</p><p>over and over.</p><p>over and over.</p><p>he hated it.</p><p>he shouldn't care,<br/>kenma was free to talk to anyone<br/>kenma was free to be with anyone he wanted.</p><p>his smile faltered at the thought.<br/>what could he do..<br/>what could he ever do..</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p><b> <span class="u">being with you</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p>Kuroo was heartsick.</p><p>Kuroo was in love.</p><p>Kuroo hated it.</p><p>He hated - how he got so protective over his friend when the slightest thing happened.</p><p>He hated - how it killed him to watch Kozume with someone else.</p><p>He hated - he hated how it was so hard for him to accept that Kozume would never love him the same way.</p><p>But God, he loved being able to think that there was a slight chance Kenma Kozume did love him back.</p><p>He loved - being able to be with Kenma Kozume without worrying about what could go wrong</p><p>He loved - being best friends with Kenma Kozume without having to worry about Kenma walking away</p><p>He loved - Kenma Kozume</p><p>A smile tainted his lips.<br/>He continued tossing the volleyball up, catching it, then doing it again.</p><p>"Oi, kid,"<br/>Mr. Tetsurou called out, knocking on the door as he walked in.</p><p>"Oi,"<br/>Kuroo sat up, facing his father.</p><p>"They're coming today. Is Kenma going to come over?"<br/>he asked, glancing around the room.</p><p>"Okaa-san and Onee-san?"<br/>Kuroo asked, tilting his head with confusion.</p><p>His father simply nodded.</p><p>"All right.. I'll see if Kenma can come,"<br/>He said.</p><p>His father smiled and nodded.<br/>"Help me out with the food later,"<br/>He added before leaving.</p><p>Kuroo sighed and laid back down.</p><p>He took out his phone, texting Kenma if he could come over.<br/>Less than a minute later, he responded with a 'sure'.</p><p>Kuroo's heart fluttered, and he regretted it.</p><p><em>Over a 'sure'?! There's </em><em>something</em> <em>wrong with you</em></p><p>Kuroo groaned, letting the volleyball fall onto his face.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p><span class="u"> <b>eating with you</b> </span> <b></b></p><p>"Okaa-san,"<br/>Kuroo greeted, holding his arms out.</p><p>He stared at himself in the mirror and groaned.</p><p>"Okaa-san!"<br/>he said more cheerfully, grinning, holding his arms out.</p><p>He smiled, looking at himself, then groaning, letting out a scream into the pillow he brought.</p><p>There was a knock on the restroom door.</p><p>"Your dad wants you to hurry up and help him with the food,"<br/>Kenma's soft voice called out.</p><p>"I'll be down,"<br/>Kuroo said, burying his face in the pillow.</p><p>For a second, he thought of the pillow as Kenma, and he smiled.</p><p>But he knew, in reality, Kenma would never hug him back.</p><p>"All right.."<br/>Kenma muttered.</p><p>Kuroo heard a thump on the ground and he knew Kenma had sat down in front of the door.</p><p>Kuroo left the bathroom, finding Kenma sitting by the door on his game.</p><p>"Finally,"<br/>he grumbled, standing up.</p><p>"You better have that game put away when we're eating,"<br/>Kuroo said with a smile.</p><p>"I'll think about it,"<br/>Kenma said, skipping in front of him and heading to the kitchen.</p><p>Kuroo chuckled, but followed after him.</p><p>"So... Kuroo's and Kuroo's sister are coming to eat today?"<br/>Kenma asked, giving Kuroo's father the bowl.</p><p>"Mhm!"<br/>Kuroo's father hummed.</p><p>"Ah.."<br/>Kenma said softly.</p><p>Kuroo didn't put any input as he helped his father with the food.</p><p>-</p><p>Kuroo's practice at greeting his mother failed, for she simply said hello and walked past him to follow his father</p><p>Kenma sighed softly, patting Kuroo's back in attempt to comfort him.</p><p>"Onee-san!"<br/>Kuroo grinned, hugging his sister tightly once she entered.</p><p>"Brat!"<br/>She chuckled, hugging him back.</p><p>Kenma followed behind Kuroo's mother.</p><p>Kuroo's sister grinned, dragging him with her.</p><p>-</p><p>Kenma looked at his food, glanced at his game, then sighed.</p><p>"Eat,"<br/>Kuroo said, glancing at him.</p><p>"I'll do what I want,"<br/>Kenma said, glaring at him.</p><p>Kuroo's sister laughed.<br/>"Kenma, you're still so sassy!"<br/>She said with a grin.</p><p>He glanced at her.<br/>"And you're still so hyperactive,"<br/>he said, making Kuroo chuckle.</p><p>"So are you two finally together?!"<br/>she asked, almost jumping out of her seat in excitement.</p><p>Kuroo's mother looked over, curious.</p><p>"Where'd you get that from?"<br/>Kuroo asked, taking a drink of his water to hide the pink in his cheeks.</p><p>"Kenma's at family dinner! Meaninggg he's considered part of the family! Which could mean-"</p><p>"No,"<br/>Kenma said to shut her up.</p><p>Kuroo smiled, nodding in agreement, which he hated.</p><p>Kenma glanced at his phone.<br/>"I've gotta go,"<br/>He said.</p><p>"Ah all right, you can take your leftovers if you'd like,"<br/>Kuroo's father said with a smile.</p><p>Kenma nodded, picking it up.<br/>"Thank you, Otosan."</p><p>"Did something happen?"<br/>Kuroo asked with worry.</p><p>"No. Hin- Shoyo wants to meet up,"<br/>Kenma said.</p><p>"Oh,"<br/>Kuroo said, nodding as he tried to hide his frown.</p><p>"All right. Have fun!"<br/>He said, waving him off.</p><p>"Bye, Kenma!"<br/>Kuroo's sister exclaimed.</p><p>"Bye,"<br/>Kenma muttered.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>Kuroo didn't know when he fell in love with Kenma</p><p>He didn't know exactly- maybe he did, but in his mind, he's always been in love with Kenma.</p><p>And he made it his goal, even as a little foolish kid, to make sure Kenma was surrounded by people who loved him and were proud of him.</p><p>He also made it his goal to stand by Kenma forever, even old and ugly.</p><p>Kuroo was in love with Kenma,<br/>Kenma's smile<br/>Kenma's laugh<br/>The way Kenma got competitive over the smallest things<br/>The way Kenma got excited over a simple event in his game<br/>The way <b>sparks </b>lit up in Kenma's eyes when he was excited.</p><p>God... he loved it all.<br/>He loved it and cherished all of it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>1.</p><p>Kenma smiled at the sight of the new text from his rival in the practice game.<br/>after the small game with Karasuno, Kenma was starting to get closer with Hinata.</p><p>Kenma caught on that hinata was very energetic,<br/>sometimes, it wore him out, but he lived for it.</p><p>"Kenma!"<br/>hinata shouted.<br/>Kenma looked back down at his phone to see hinata had entered his room with a snack in hand.</p><p>"hey,"<br/>he said, waving a hand in front of the phone before putting more items into the cart.</p><p>"Whatcha getting?"<br/>hinata asked, moving closer to the screen to see.</p><p>"you'll find out when I get there, Shoyo,"<br/>Kenma said softly.</p><p>Kenma liked saying Hinata's name,<br/>he found it fun.</p><p>He also liked the name Shoyo a lot,<br/>he didn't know why.</p><p>"how rude,"<br/>hinata said, moving away from the phone screen and grabbing his volleyball.</p><p>"it's your favorite. I'll make it when I get there,"<br/>Kenma hinted.</p><p>hinata's eyes lit up.<br/>"you're the best!"<br/>he exclaimed as he tossed his volleyball up.</p><p>Kenma didn't reply, smiling.<br/>he put everything into the cart, searching the isle for anything else he might need.<br/>as he did that, hinata almost broke his phone trying to serve the ball.</p><p>Kenma chuckled, but stopped paying attention to hinata so he could buy everything.</p><p>-</p><p>soon, kenma was at hinata's house, making the tamago kake gohan for him.<br/>hinata watched with excitement, trying to help him when he could.</p><p>once they were finished, hinata gobbled it all up.<br/>"this is the best!"<br/>he said, finishing it all up.</p><p>kenma put more in his bowl and he continued eating.<br/>"you're the best, kenma!"</p><p>--</p><p>--</p><p>2.</p><p>"No, left!!"<br/>Kenma yelled, clicking the mouse as fast as he could.</p><p>"I am going left!"<br/>hinata exclaimed, trying to shoot an enderman.</p><p>"get the dragon!"<br/>Kenma shouted as his character ran to kill the enderdragon.</p><p>Hinata then let out a shriek as he fell from the tower.</p><p>then, silence.</p><p>"I fell,"<br/>he stated.</p><p>"You idiot,"<br/>Kenma said, deadpanning as he continued to get hits on the dragon.</p><p>Hinata fake cried as he ran back to the End Portal.</p><p>"Here, I'll guard you until you get to your things,"<br/>Kenma said, his character following Hinata's and keeping the enderman away from him.</p><p>"thank you, thank you,"<br/>hinata said, putting his armor back on.</p><p>and so, together, they defeated the enderdragon.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>3.</p><p>Kenma looked at Hinata, narrowed his eyes, then sighed.</p><p>"There's no way I'm going to put that on my face,"<br/>he said.</p><p>"But it'll be funnn,'<br/>Hinata urged, shoving the face mask closer to Kenma.</p><p>Kenma sighed.<br/>"Fine,"<br/>he said, taking it from Hinata.</p><p>"Natsu got them and said it'll be nice,"<br/>Hinata said as he was finished putting it on.</p><p>"she lied to you,"<br/>Kenma stated.</p><p>"Maybe,"<br/>Hinata said, realizing this could turn out into the most idiotic thing he'd ever do.</p><p>Kenma chuckled softly, then frowned once he felt a sting.<br/>"I don't like this,"<br/>he said.</p><p>"Me neither,"<br/>Hinata said, watching the tv.</p><p>"Catch,"<br/>Kenma said before throwing the volleyball.</p><p>Hinata shrieked and slapped the ball away.<br/>They both laughed.</p><p>Kenma felt at home.</p><p>--</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>--</p><p>4.</p><p>"Kenmaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"<br/>Kenma heard the footsteps nearing him at a rapid pace.</p><p>"Shoyo?"<br/>He asked, turning his body to where he heard his name being called from.</p><p>"Kenma!"<br/>Shoyo laughed as he hugged him tightly.</p><p>"Shoyo,"<br/>Kenma said softly with a smile, melting into the hug as he hugged back, resting his head on Shoyo's shoulder.</p><p>"I got you something,"<br/>Shoyo said with a grin, taking something out of his pocket.</p><p>Kenma tilted his head with curiosity.</p><p>Shoyo took out a keychain,<br/>it was a cat hitting a volleyball.</p><p>Shoyo gave it to him.</p><p>Kenma's eyes lit up.<br/>Kenma smiled, looking at the keychain.</p><p>"Thank you,"<br/>he murmured.</p><p>"It's nothing! I knew you would like it!"<br/>Hinata grinned.</p><p>Kenma's heart jumped,<br/>and he was happy.</p><p>"What do you want to do today?"<br/>Kenma asked softly, looking at the keychain with a smile.</p><p>"Hmmm anything really. Being with you is fun enough,"<br/>Hinata said, jumping onto the bricks as he tried to follow the line of them.</p><p>Kenma's heart fluttered.<br/>"Really?"<br/>he asked with slight confusion.</p><p>"Of course! You're a fun person,"<br/>Hinata said with a smile.</p><p>"Thank you,"<br/>and although Hinata couldn't see him, he smiled the widest smile and his cheeks were as pink as they could get.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p><b> <span class="u">Jealousy</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p><b> <span class="u">/ˈjeləsē/</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p><em> <b> <span class="u">noun</span> </b> </em><br/><b> <span class="u">the state or feeling of being jealous.</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p>Kenma sat with Hinata, watching all sorts of people pass by.</p><p>"Kenma..."<br/>Hinata started softly, taking a sip of his tea after.</p><p>"Hm?"<br/>He hummed, glancing at him.</p><p>Hinata stared at the table, his face full of confusion.<br/>Kenma's heart ached.</p><p>"How do you... Could you teach me your ways?!"<br/>he exclaimed</p><p>Kenma deadpanned.<br/>"What are you talking about?"<br/>He grumbled, drinking his tea, then glancing at his game.</p><p>Hinata's character had stopped moving.</p><p>"I want to be better at volleyball! And you're great at everything!"<br/>he exclaimed.</p><p>A smile appeared on Kenma's cold face, but he didn't respond to Hinata before he continued ranting.</p><p>"Kageyama is so cool and he's at the top like woooow! And I want to be way better than him!"<br/>he exclaimed, catching the attention of those around them.</p><p>Kenma's smile twitched.<br/>"Yeah, I get it,"<br/>He stated, trying not to sound bitter.</p><p>Kenma wasnt the type to let jealousy inrage him, but it certainly bothered him for at least a second or two</p><p>"I'll help you, don't worry,"<br/>He added softly.</p><p>"Yessss! Kenma, you're wooooah!"<br/>he said with a grin<br/>and Kenma was mesmerized.</p><p>kuroo stared at the points<br/>his face fell, his heart ached in pain</p><p>
  <b>he lost.</b>
</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p><b> <span class="u">i'm in love with you</span> </b> <span class="u"></span></p><p>Kuroo took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.<br/>He paced around the gym, looking at the message he was about to send.</p><p>Yaku had supported him through it, but said he would not tell Kenma to go to the gym.</p><p>It was after school now, and he was still at the gym.<br/>He sat down, letting out a huge sigh as he sent the message.</p><p>He looked at the volleyball which he'd written on.<br/>Nerves ran through him as he waited, and waited.</p><p>-</p><p>Kenma stared into the gym, his eyes widening with shock.</p><p>Kuroo stared at him<br/>their eyes met.</p><p>Kenma knew instantly what would happen,<br/>he took a step back, debating if he should run from this confession or stay and let it die<br/>he stayed.</p><p>Kuroo let out a sheepish chuckle and glanced down nervously.</p><p>"Kuroo.. what is this?"<br/>he asked with a frown.</p><p>"I-" he quickly cut himself off and started again.<br/>"I know it's my last year here, so if this goes wrong you don't have to see me again," he stated, frowning but forcing a smile.</p><p>"coward,"<br/>Kenma said with a sigh.</p><p>"oi! don't be rude now! just–"<br/>he sucked in a deep breath.</p><p>"I've liked you for a long time. I've liked you since.. since forever! and I needed to tell you this, because I was literally going to go crazy if I didn't. I love you!"<br/>he exclaimed.</p><p>Kuroo let out a deep breath, then looked at Kenma with a sheepish smile, holding up the volleyball.</p><p>Kenma frowned, he looked at the floor, then managed to look back up at Kuroo.<br/>Kuroo's smile faded away, although he'd been expecting this.<br/>he waited for a smile, a joke making fun of Kuroo's face.<br/>it never came, he knew it wouldn't.</p><p>Kenma shook his head,<br/>Kuroo forced a smile.</p><p>"I didn't think this would happen..."<br/>Kenma let out a shaky breath as he spoke.</p><p>He shook his head once again, frowning.<br/>"I don't..." he paused, "I don't feel the same way, Kuroo."</p><p>Kuroo tried to hide his hurt.<br/>He tried.<br/>He didn't want to make it worse.</p><p>"I've actually..."<br/>Kenma paused.<br/>"I've liked Shoyo for a while,"<br/>he admitted.</p><p>"Oh,"<br/>Kuroo said.</p><p>That hurt Kuroo even worse.<br/>He knew they were close, he just didn't think that maybe Kenma liked Hinata.</p><p>He sucked in a deep breath.<br/>"How's that going?"<br/>he asked, biting his lip to keep his tears in.</p><p>"It's good... It's really good.<br/>We play volleyball together most of the time.<br/>I think he'll really get far,"<br/>Kenma said, trying to smile to lift the mood.</p><p>It only made Kuroo more bitter.</p><p>"Volleyball was for us.<br/>Volleyball is what kept us together,"<br/>he said, tears were about to roll down his cheeks, but he wasn't focused on that.</p><p>"I'm sorry,"<br/>Kenma muttered.</p><p>"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault but mine,"<br/>he said with a half-hearted chuckle.</p><p>"Kuroo,"<br/>Kenma called out.</p><p>Kenma didn't want things to be awkward.<br/>He knew that it wouldn't be the same,<br/>but at the very least, he couldn't lose his best friend.</p><p>"thanks for listening to me,"<br/>he muttered, hugging the volleyball close to him.</p><p>say it's all a joke..<br/>his mind urged him.<br/>he couldn't do it.</p><p>Kenma didn't say anything, letting Kuroo walk out on his own.</p><p>--</p><p>Yaku patted Kuroo's head, watching as the 3rd year lay in bed completely hopeless.</p><p>"Kenma hasn't been around..."<br/>Kuroo mutters.</p><p>"I know, you told me that."</p><p>"he doesn't walk home with me anymore."</p><p>"you told me that as well."</p><p>"what do I doooo?!"<br/>Kuroo cried in misery, he turned to face Yaku.</p><p>he realized it was worse than he thought,<br/>Kuroo didn't look this sad and exhausted since, well, ever.</p><p>Yaku frowned, then glared at him.<br/>"you're going to go up to Kenma, and confront him about it,"<br/>he said.</p><p>"I am?"<br/>Kuroo asked, closing his eyes and crossing his arms.</p><p>"yes. you're going to get your best friend back,"<br/>Yaku said.</p><p>"how encouraging,"<br/>Kuroo muttered.</p><p>Yaku rolled his eyes.<br/>"If I don't see you in a better shape by the end of this week I'm going to hit you,"<br/>he said.</p><p>"that's mean,"<br/>Kuroo muttered, wiping at his eyes again. <br/>"I'll try to..."</p><p>"good. now get up off your ass and do something,"<br/>Yaku said with a threatening glare.</p><p>"fine, I'll clean my room,"<br/>he said, forcing a smile.</p><p>Yaku looked around and winced, then he nodded.<br/>"good thinking."</p><p>--</p><p>Instead of talking to Kenma, Kuroo actually went and hung out with Bokuto and Akaashi for the next couple of days</p><p>"Men,"<br/>Bokuto said, shaking his head in shame.</p><p>"I know right,"<br/>Kuroo said, shaking his head as well.</p><p>Akaashi rolled his eyes at them.</p><p>"You should talk to him,"<br/>Bokuto then said, nodding.</p><p>"Imagine having to confront the person you confessed to after they don't talk to you.."<br/>Akaashi muttered.</p><p>Kuroo winced, grabbing his shirt in fake pain.<br/>"Ow," he said.</p><p>"Imagine,"<br/>Bokuto said, whistling.</p><p>"You guys are so mean,"<br/>Kuroo grumbled.</p><p>"We're not mean. We're nice! Right, Akaaaaaaashi?"<br/>Bokuto asked.</p><p>"Sure,"<br/>Akaashi agreed, continuing to scroll through his phone with a slight nod.</p><p>Kuroo pouted, but didn't say anything else.</p><p>"Actually, I think... I think you should-"<br/>Bokuto was cut off by the ding of Kuroo's phone.</p><p>"It's Kenma!"<br/>Kuroo said with a bright smile.</p><p>"he says... 'If you don't start talking to me again, I'll kill you' Wow!"<br/>Kuroo said with a grin, quickly responding to Kenma.</p><p>"It worked! We're gods, Akaashi!"<br/>Bokutuo exclaimed, pumping their fists.</p><p>And so, Kuroo's confession was simply history.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>[2017]</p><p>When Bokuto and Akaashi got married,<br/>Bokuto's best man was Kuroo,<br/>and Akaashi's was Kenma, because Bokuto insisted.</p><p>When Bokuto and Akaashi got married,<br/>the world was as bright as it could be.</p><p>Bokuto nibbled the cake a bit, turned to Akaashi, and gave him a cheesy grin.<br/>"I like it,"<br/>he said.</p><p>"I baked it,"<br/>Akaashi muttered.</p><p>"You did?!"<br/>Hinata asked with amazement, gobbling down more of the cake.</p><p>"It's really good, Akaashi-san,"<br/>Kenma said with an encouraging smile.</p><p>"It's wayyyy better than good! It's extrodinary,"<br/>Bokuto said.</p><p>Akaashi glanced the other way, clearly flustered by the new attention.<br/>"Thank you,"<br/>he murmured.</p><p>Kuroo smiled at them,<br/>watching as Akaashi reassured Bokuto, telling him everything has been amazing.<br/>And he hated it, but he wondered if that would ever happen with himself and someone else.</p><p>Hinata then proceeded to talk to those around him, more specifically being Kageyma.<br/>And for a second, for Kageyama and Hinata both, the world was only them.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>[2018]</p><p>Shoyo arrived at Kenma's house and immediately hugged him once he saw him.<br/>"Hey,"<br/>Kenma said, patting his back.</p><p>"Hey!"<br/>Hinata smiled, soon pulling away to admire the house he was in front of.</p><p>"Woah, you've got your own place, Kenma?! And it's a house?!"<br/>Hinata exclaimed as he walked in.</p><p>"...Not that big a deal... It's just a rental, and pretty old.."<br/>Kenma stated as he followed him in.</p><p>Hinata looked to the side, into a room, and his eyes went wide.<br/>"A home theater?!"</p><p>"It's just a gaming room..."<br/>Kenma said, trying not to show much excitement about Hinata being around.</p><p>"Just?!"<br/>Hinata continued wandering with excitement and amazement.<br/>"It's even got arcade machines!"</p><p>Hinata looked at the monitors.<br/>"Hey, why didn't you someplace like Roppongi Hills?!"<br/>he asked, glancing back at Kenma.</p><p>"Moving someplace like that once you earn a bit of money is such a pie-in-the-sky idea,"<br/>Kenma said with a small laugh.<br/>"Though Kuroo said the same thing too,"<br/>he added, a smile gracing his face as he thought of his best friend.</p><p>-</p><p>"Hey Kenma, I'm grateful and all, but why'd you sponsor me?"<br/>Hinata asked, setting his tea down.</p><p>"Mmm... who knows. I've got money to spare,"<br/>he said, then he smirked at Hinata.<br/>"But, if you get boring, I'll <b>drop </b>you."</p><p>Hinata's face went into shock and he squirmed in his spot.<br/>Kenma burst into laughter.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>Over the time Kenma and Hinata spent together,<br/>Kenma knew he didn't have a chance with love on this one.</p><p>He knew that, but that didn't stop him from loving Hinata.</p><p>Not when he asked Kenma what would be the best way to approach Kageyama and ask something so nervewracking.<br/>Not even when Hinata called him asking if he would be his best man at his wedding.<br/>Although Kenma's hope died, his love never did.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b>ending,</b>
  <br/>
  <b>dancing with you</b>
  <br/>
  <b>[20??]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Kuroo and Kenma were both at Hinata's wedding,<br/>both of them had different views of the wedding.</p><p>Kenma was the best man once again,<br/>Kenma supported the couple with full happiness once again.</p><p>Kuroo tried talking to Kenma all times he could,<br/>but each moment, he failed at actually making a good conversation.</p><p>So, once everything was calm, he decided.</p><p>Kuroo hesitantly approached Kenma, who was leaning against the wall with a drink in his hand.</p><p>"Hey, hey hey,"<br/>Kuroo called out with a smile.</p><p>"Hey,"<br/>Kenma said, giving him a small wave with his other hand.</p><p>"Wanna dance?"<br/>Kuroo asked with a grin, extending his hand towards Kenma. He shook his head.<br/>"Ha?! C'mon, everyone else is," Kuroo added, "but we can just talk here then," he quickly said.<br/>Kenma glanced to the middle of the floor, where the grooms were, tripping over each other while shouting insults at each other.</p><p>"Sure,"<br/>he said. "Yay!" Kuroo grinned and dragged him with him.</p><p>"how's gaming going?"<br/>Kuroo asked, letting Kenma put down his drink.<br/>Kenma scoffed. "you're there almost everyday with me, you should know."<br/>"Right," Kuroo smiled.<br/>"But... why weren't you there yesterday?" his beautiful yellow cat eyes pierced into his soul.</p><p>"Gah! I was with Bokuto and-" he cut himself off, raising a brow at Kenma as he watched him mouth Bokuto's name over and over. "What's wrong?" Kuroo asked with confusion. "Nothing, don't worry about it."<br/>"Oh, okay."<br/>"Continue."</p><p>"Well, we went out to a mueseum. It was fun, he complained about missing Akaashi all the time though," he chuckled, glancing at the couple. they were more of hugging than dancing, Bokuto having himself draped over Akaashi.<br/>Although Akaashi looked annoyed, Kuroo knew the two couldn't live without the other. He knew they would be together, even after the end of time. That's all he wanted... that kind of love. <em>Did he have it already?</em></p><p>He let out a shaky breath and glancing back at Kenma.<br/>He wasn't staring at him, but was staring at the love he himself had lost. Kuroo's heart ached. He knew Kenma would never stare at him that way.</p><p>"I missed you though,"<br/>he then added with a smile, Kenma looked back at him.</p><p>Kuroo hugged him, as he saw Bokuto do.<br/>Kenma froze, and Kuroo didn't understand why. He hugged him all the time.<br/>Nonetheless, Kenma stayed in his place.</p><p>"Don't do this. Not now," Kenma murmured.<br/>"Do what?" Kuroo perked up with confusion.<br/>Kenma wrapped his arms around him, resting his face in Kuroo's shoulder, his long hair brushed against his cheek and yet... "Don't do this," he repeated.</p><p>"I-" <em>I love you</em> he wanted to say, once more for Kenma. But that's exactly what Kenma was talking about. What he was telling him not to do.<br/>"I won't," he stated softly. Kenma melted into his warmth.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>
  <em>Kuroo didn't understand why he got so upset.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He didn't understand why he messed everything up.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He was drunk and foolish, but that could never make up for it.</em>
</p><p>Kuroo laughed joyously and raised his glass, clinking the fork against it.<br/>Everyone turned to him, becoming silent.</p><p>"I want to congratulate the new couple,"<br/>he said with a smile, turning to face Kageyama and Hinata, who were trying to get the last slice.</p><p>He and everyone else chuckled at that</p><p>"And.. a toast to Kenma. I want to congratulate the best man, my best friend and the true best man of my heart," <br/>he said, laughing as did a few others.<br/>He paused for a long second, his own thoughts blurred his mind.</p><p><em>What am I thinking? </em>he thought to himself and that was his only clear thought, without thinking, he continued talking.</p><p>"I mean, how did you get through this one buddy? It happened again... Always the best man, never the groom,"<br/>he mocks.</p><p>
  <em>maybe... he really did want Kenma to feel all the pain he did.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>maybe... seeing the hurt look on Kenma's face made him happy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But nonetheless, Kuroo knew instantly.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He knew instantly... he'd hurt him beyond repair.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He knew instantly when the laughter coming from beautiful Kenma stopped.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He knew when he saw Kenma's smile crumble and a sigh escape his lips.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>He regretted dreaming for him.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>regretted dreaming for him to love him back.</em>
</p><p>No one seemed to understand Kuroo's mockery, but they understood it was something between them.<br/>An uncomfortable silence passed by, Hinata decided to change the subject for everyone.</p><p>Kenma didn't run off, he didn't do anything but watch Kuroo with his cat-like eyes.<br/>Kuroo's mind continued racing, his heart did as well.</p><p>
  <em>I ruined everything.</em>
</p><p>Kuroo's smile had already crumbled by then. He had nothing but the newfound hate for himself. <br/>He did what he did before. He left.</p><p>--<br/>--</p><p>Before Kenma went after Kuroo, he decided to talk to Shoyo.<br/>Now, he didn't say anything about Kuroo's toast, he didn't say anything that could ruin Shoyo's night.</p><p>"Kenma!"<br/>Shoyo exclaimed as he saw him.</p><p>Kenma offered him a smile as he stopped beside him.<br/>"Shoyo,"<br/>he said softly. "How are you? Was tonight good?"</p><p>"It was amazing! Thank you, so so so much!"<br/>Hinata said with a grin.</p><p>Kenma hurried himself, hugging Hinata tightly.<br/>"I'm so proud of you,"<br/>he said, his vision blurring with all the pain he'd held inside. </p><p>Flustered, all Hinata did was hug back.<br/>Kenma swallowed down everything and held it in.</p><p>"Thank you, Kenma,"<br/>Hinata said with a small smile.</p><p>"You can have the last piece,"<br/>he added, not pulling out of the hug but pulling his arm back enough to show Kenma the piece of cake.</p><p>"It's just a... small thanks for helping with everything,"<br/>Hinata said, handing him the cake piece being held in a orange plastic plate.</p><p>Kenma bit down on the inside of his cheek, holding it in and holding it in.<br/>"thank you,"<br/>he murmured, taking the plate into his hands.</p><p>Hinata grinned, hugging him once more before letting him leave.<br/>Kenma refused to let tears spill from his eyes. He refused.</p><p>---</p><p>Kenma found Kuroo sitting at a park bench near where the afterparty of the wedding took place.<br/>Kenma said nothing as he sat down next to him.</p><p>Kuroo glanced at him, glanced at Kenma's hand on his, and he closed his eyes.</p><p>"I hate you,"<br/>Kenma muttered, and yeah, the words stung more than a slap or kick in the face ever could, but Kuroo let himself smile the pain away.</p><p>"I'm an idiot. I'm so so sorry,"<br/>Kuroo said, but he already knew a simple sorry couldn't fix it.</p><p>"I know," Kenma murmured with a small chuckle. "You've always been a sorry idiot."</p><p>"Please don't hate me,"<br/>Kuroo murmured.</p><p>"I could never hate you,"<br/>Kenma sighed out.<br/>"As much as I want to sometimes. Just know I can't,"<br/>he said, hugging his knees against his chest.</p><p>"You really love Hinata, don't you?"<br/>Kuroo murmured, staring out to the lake in front of them. however, his eyes quickly fixed themselves back to Kenma.</p><p>"I do,"<br/>Kenma stated, not letting even a single second of hesitation pass by.</p><p>"I'm sorry,"<br/>Kuroo apologized, once again.</p><p>"I know, shut up,"<br/>Kenma grumbled, closing his eyes tightly and hugging his legs tighter.</p><p>Kuroo closed his mouth, not daring to say anything else.<br/>After a while, Kenma rolled his eyes and pulled out a piece of cake.</p><p>"I thought they ate all of it,"<br/>Kuroo said with surprise, watching with envy as Kenma started eating it.</p><p>"Shoyo saw me and let me have it. It would be 'a small thanks for helping with everything' as he said,"<br/>Kenma said with a small smile, placing it in between them on the bench and handing Kuroo a new spoon.</p><p>"Eat this with me and I'll forgive you for everything,"<br/>Kenma said, liking the icing off his cheek.</p><p>"really?!"<br/>Kuroo exclaimed.</p><p>Kenma gave a short nod, motioning for him to dig in.</p><p>"I don't deserve you,"<br/>Kuroo said, faking a whimper as he held his shirt in "pain".</p><p>"No one does. Now eat unless you want me to block you,"<br/>Kenma stated, glaring at him.</p><p>Kuroo did as he was told, making Kenma laugh with giddy. A wide smile graced Kuroo's face and they sat together, dressed up in suits, eating some cake at a simple park.</p><p>---<br/>---</p><p>It was late at night, in the middle of Kenma's favorite game, when he realized.</p><p>What did he realize?<br/>He didn't know that.</p><p>He just knew that thinking of Kuroo and Hinata was messing with his mind.</p><p>Kenma knew he had no chances with Shoyo, but the feeling... oh, how they lingered.</p><p>As for Kuroo, Kenma had never felt anything romantic towards him.<br/>It was more like... Kenma couldn't explain it, but it was like Kuroo was his energy, what kept him going and living normally.</p><p>He realized Kuroo was the one, the one who was always there - who hugged him even when he didn't want to - who made him food when he was playing games - who comforted him and made it his goal to have him happy.</p><p>Kenma's heart burned at the thought of that, because he knew Shoyo did most of the same.</p><p>Kenma stared at his phone, then took a deep breath.</p><p>He glanced at all of his new snacks, and finally, his eyes landed on the candy canes and frosting.</p><p>A smile ran onto his face.<br/>Forget Shoyo- forget Kuroo- what Kenma really needed was to make his gingerbread house <em>with </em>Kuroo and play his games.</p><p>Secretly, in his mind, Kenma knew what Kuroo meant to him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <b>love<br/>December 20th, 2021</b> </span>
</p><p>Kenma saw <b>sparks.</b></p><p>His eyes went wide. It couldn't be. He took a wrong turn.<br/>He knew lying to himself wouldn't work, he knew this was Kuroo's house.</p><p>Before he could let himself think, he was running out of the car.<br/>"What happened?"<br/>he shouted out, trying to get closer to the house.</p><p>"Please stand back-"</p><p>"Was there anyone there?!"<br/>Kenma shouted, begging in his mind that there wasn't. There was a reply. The firefighter wasn't making any sense to him, the words just jumbled in his head. <br/><em>Kuroo. Kuroo. </em><br/>Panic flooded through him as he tried his hardest to get close.</p><p>He couldn't hear anything but his own screams as he watched them carry out someone, someone he knew so so well, someone he loved, platonically, romantically, it didn't matter, someone he loved.</p><p>.</p><p>
  <em>Please. Please.</em>
</p><p>Kenma's mind rang out once they let him in.<br/>He rushed to Kuroo's side, his whole body was shaking.</p><p>Kuroo would be fine.<br/>He would be fine.</p><p>Kenma could barely remember every detail of what the doctor's told him.<br/>He could barely remember what they said his chances were.</p><p>He hid it in the back of his mind.</p><p>"Kuroo,"<br/>he whispered, staring at the man on the bed.</p><p>Kuroo stirred in his sleep.<br/>Kenma's shaking smoothened. The heart monitor showed Kuroo's heart jumping with excitement.<br/>Kenma shook his head, grabbing onto Kuroo's hand.</p><p>"Let me see you awake, please,"<br/>Kenma's voice shook, but he didn't care, he wanted to see Kuroo alive and well.</p><p>Maybe.<br/>Maybe Kuroo would jump up and say it's all a joke.<br/>Maybe in another universe that's what would've happened.<br/>But not in this one.</p><p>Kenma held onto Kuroo's hand as if it was the only thing he had.<br/>and he waited.</p><p>-</p><p>Kenma was half-asleep when Kuroo's eyes fluttered open for the first and last time that night.</p><p>"Kenma?"<br/>Kenma nearly jumped out of the chair, looking at his best friend, his partner, with wide eyes.</p><p>"Kuroo! You're- You're awake!"<br/>he smiled, relief crossing his face.</p><p>He wouldn't lose him. He wouldn't lose him, not today.</p><p>"Barely,"<br/>Kuroo said, forcing out a chuckle.<br/>"Is there a..."<br/>Kuroo trailed off, trying to touch his face with his empty hand.</p><p>"Don't touch them, you'll hurt yourself,"<br/>Kenma stated softly, putting Kuroo's empty hand back down beside him.</p><p>"But I want to see you,"<br/>Kuroo said. Kenma's heart ached. Kuroo's voice was barely a whisper, broken and shaking.</p><p>"Y-You can't. Not now at least... now take it easy, get some rest and you'll be able to go home s-soon,"<br/>Kenma told him, placing a gentle kiss on Kuroo's hand.</p><p>"Stop shaking please,"<br/>Kuroo murmured, smiling as his fingers tingled.</p><p>"I can't- You really scared me you big stupid idiot,"<br/>Kenma's words ran out of his mouth and he started shaking even more.</p><p>Kuroo's smile was soon replaced with a frown.<br/>"Kenma, I... I'm sorry,"<br/>he muttered, for no reason at all.</p><p>"shut up. There's nothing for you to be sorry about,"<br/>Kenma stated, holding Kuroo's hand close to him.</p><p>"It-"<br/>Kuroo let out a shaky laugh.<br/>"It hurts so bad. How bad did they say it was?"<br/>he asked, his chuckle faltering into a wince.</p><p>Kenma didn't want to answer that. </p><p>"Three percent,"<br/>is all Kenma could force out.</p><p>"Hm?"<br/>Kuroo hummed, confused.</p><p>Kenma could tell he was trying hard to open his eyes, but the burns wouldn't let him do that, not for long.</p><p>"You have a thirty percent chance of surviving the burns, if that's not what ends it- then it's your damaged stomach,"<br/>he lied, speaking quickly do Kuroo could only catch a bit of it, looking at Kuroo's hands. They were hard, burnt and rugged. Dried blood scattered them which the nurses didn't even bother trying to get off.<br/>Kenma knew thirty wasn't a lot, but hey, it was better than three. If he could push that onto Kuroo, Kuroo would try harder and he'd be able to save himself.</p><p>"sounds nice,"<br/>Kuroo murmured, his voice breaking as he spoke.</p><p>"what happened? what set the house on fire?"<br/>Kenma asked, his voice soft.</p><p>"The stove,"<br/>Kuroo answered with a small chuckle.</p><p>Kenma closed his eyes, letting a sigh escape his lips.<br/>"idiot,"<br/>he murmured, opening his eyes to look once more at Kuroo.</p><p>Kuroo didn't respond, keeping his eyes closed under the bandages.<br/>Kenma watched as Kuroo's chest went up and down as he breathed, millions of things running through his mind. What could he do... He had to do something to help Kuroo.</p><p>A moment of silence, comfortable silence, passed by them.<br/>Then Kuroo spoke.<br/>"You should go home and get rest,"<br/>he mumbled, wincing as he spoke.</p><p>Kenma shook his head, letting his hair fall into his eyes.<br/>"I'm staying here until you can leave,"<br/>he stated, gripping onto Kuroo's hand.</p><p>Kuroo grit his teeth and Kenma quickly pulled away.<br/>"It's okay- I'm okay,"<br/>Kuroo reassured him, feeling Kenma's panic arise. </p><p>"I don't want to hurt you,"<br/>Kenma's sudden panic caused another unwanted ache in his heart.</p><p>"It's okay,"<br/>Kuroo muttered out once more, his hand searching for Kenma's.</p><p>Kenma laid his head down making Kuroo smile.<br/>"Lay down with me, then you can sleep,"<br/>Kuroo said, feeling around him to feel which way would be better to turn to.</p><p>"It's fine,"<br/>Kenma told him.</p><p>"No fun,"<br/>Kuroo said with a fake pout, smiling right after. Kenma said nothing, inhaling and exhaling to keep himself calm.</p><p>--</p><p>Kuroo was still awake when the doctor came in whereas Kenma wasn't.<br/>"Don't make him leave,"<br/>Kuroo begged as soon as he heard the doctor's footsteps stop next to the bed.</p><p>He didn't get a response, so he spoke again.<br/>"Please don't make him leave."</p><p>"How are you feeling?"<br/>the doctor asked. Kuroo heard the doctor moving around, arranging something.</p><p>"I'm dying,"<br/>Kuroo stated, and he wasn't lying. They both, the doctor and Kuroo, knew that Kuroo was dying and that he wouldn't survive this.</p><p>The doctor frowned and drew in a breath. <br/>"What can you feel?"<br/>he asked, carefully lifting Kenma from his seat beside Kuroo's bed. </p><p>"My hand and- everything else is numb,"<br/>Kuroo replied, giving one more shot at trying to open his eyes. </p><p>Kuroo's heartbeat arose once Kenma's hand fell from his.<br/>"Not to worry, he's okay,"<br/>the doctor spoke calmly, placing Kenma on the bed he brought in.</p><p>"What are you doing?"<br/>Kuroo asked, knowing it was stupid but moving his arm around desperately, trying to find Kenma's.</p><p>Soon, Kenma's hand was placed in his.<br/>"Thank you,"<br/>Kuroo calmed down. </p><p>"He'll be beside you. It's okay,"<br/>the doctor said.</p><p>"Can I-"<br/>Kuroo didn't let himself finish, knowing he was foolish to think the doctor would remove his bandages. So, he stayed quiet, holding Kenma's hand because he knew this would be his last chance to.</p><p>--</p><p>Kuroo didn't sleep. He didn't want to miss any second of it.<br/>He wanted to be awake each second of this new day.</p><p>He traced Kenma's hand with his rugged fingers, making sure he didn't miss any little detail.<br/>He exhaled, his breath shaking. </p><p><em>I love you</em>, he thought, over and over.<br/>Maybe Kenma would never get to hear it again,<br/>maybe Kuroo would never get to say it again,<br/>but he wouldn't let those simple three words leave his mind,<br/>not once,<br/>he wanted those three words to be his last thoughts.</p><p>Kuroo removed his hand from Kenma's.<br/>He brushed them against the bandages on his eyes and ever so slowly, pulled them off. And there came the headache, loosening up and bugging all of Kuroo's head.</p><p>He frowned, letting his hands explore his own face.<br/>He knew he could open his eyes. So why was he so hesitant?</p><p>Kuroo reached his hand up, taking it away from his face and back to Kenma. He laughed to himself once he felt his hand land on Kenma's cheek.</p><p>"What are you doing?"<br/>Kenma grumbled, now awake, staring at Kuroo.</p><p>"I wanted to touch your hair,"<br/>Kuroo answered, his voice softer and less alive than it was before.</p><p>Kenma scooted closer to Kuroo, the closest he could get, and let him touch his hair.<br/>And Kuroo knew, he knew Kenma was only denying the fact that Kuroo would die. </p><p>Kuroo mustered up the courage to open his eyes, and once he did, all he saw was Kenma's yellow cat eyes staring back at him with so much sadness it could fill the ocean anew. </p><p>And even now, <br/>Kuroo looked at him<br/>The way Kenma needed to be looked at<br/>Like - the world could collapse, sending all its hate towards them - and Kuroo would still only be looking at Kenma.</p><p>Kuroo frowned, closing his eyes once again.<br/>"I'm never <b>leaving</b>.. you are my <b>home</b>.."<br/>Kuroo murmured, holding Kenma close.</p><p>---<br/>---</p><p>
  <em>Kenma tossed the volleyball to Kuroo.</em>
</p><p><em>Kuroo let out a welp, trying to catch it after setting his </em> <em>water</em> <em> bottle down.</em></p><p><em>Kuroo chuckled, realizing </em> <em>how</em> <em> funny he </em> <em>must've</em> <em> looked.</em><br/><em>He tossed the volleyball back.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Kuroo,"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Kenma called out gently.</em>
</p><p><em>"Hm?"</em><br/><em>Kuroo hummed, </em> <em>putting</em> <em> his hands in his pockets as he sat up.</em></p><p><em>"What do </em> <em>you</em> <em> think happens when </em> <em>we</em> <em> die?"</em><br/><em>Kenma asked, putting his video games in his bag.</em></p><p><em>A shiver ran down Kuroo's back. "You say that so calmly," he commented, but then soon thought of </em> <em>it</em> <em>.</em></p><p><em>"</em> <em>I'm</em> <em> not scared.." Kenma muttered.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Why not?"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Kuroo asked with confusion, sitting down next to him.</em>
</p><p><em>"We'll have freedom as something else," Kenma said with a </em> <em>smile</em> <em>. "Maybe somewhere else </em> <em>too</em> <em>," he added.</em></p><p><em>"I guess that does sound nice," Kuroo hummed, </em> <em>resting</em> <em> his chin on his palm.</em></p><p><em>"But </em> <em>I</em>  <em>don't</em> <em> want to die. If </em> <em>I</em> <em> do, </em> <em>it'll</em> <em> be of old age when </em> <em>I'm</em> <em> married and have grandchildren," Kuroo said </em> <em>with</em> <em> a grin. </em><br/><em>"Then </em> <em>I</em>  <em>know</em>  <em>I</em> <em> can sleep well."</em></p><p><em>Kenma stared at the sky, his head </em> <em>running</em> <em> with thoughts of his and Kuroo's future.</em><br/><em>"I'll die with </em> <em>you</em> <em> then, then we'll have </em> <em>nothing</em> <em> to worry about," he said.</em></p><p><em>"No! Not happening,"</em><br/><em>Kuroo </em> <em>said</em> <em>, </em> <em>patting</em> <em> Kenma's head. "We both get </em> <em>our</em> <em> own times!"</em></p><p><em>Kenma hugged </em> <em>the</em> <em> volleyball close to him. "If that's what makes you happy," he said and Kuroo chuckled.</em></p><p>
  <em>---</em>
  <br/>
  <em>---</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's you</em>
</p><p>"Kenma.. you know what the hardest part of living is?"<br/>Kuroo asked, his voice shaking as did his arms.</p><p>Kenma grit his teeth together, he let out a simple hum in question.<br/>And even now, he tried to keep his hurt back.</p><p>"Leaving you," Kuroo said with a soft smile. Kenma closed his eyes tightly. "Stop quoting those stupid songs," he grumbled, taking in a deep shaky breath.</p><p>"You're not leaving.. not today. You're going to grow up until you're gray and ugly and die of old age," Kenma said, his body starting to shake as the tears build up in his eyes.</p><p>Kuroo responded with silence, inhaling silently.<br/>His whole body ached, he felt as if he was still burning on the inside. He could see it happening each time he tried not to. The stove erupting, the screams replayed in his head. There was,, so much pain.</p><p>He kept his pain hidden from Kenma. He would hate for Kenma to see him helpless and in so much pain. He would,,, </p><p>Kenma held onto him, embracing Kuroo's breathing before he couldn't anymore. Before he could never do it again.</p><p>Kuroo opened his eyes once more, maybe for the last time, and gazed at Kenma.<br/>"I love you," he murmured. Not romantically, it didn't matter if it was romantic anymore. Kuroo needed Kenma to know that no matter what, he loves him.</p><p>Kenma couldn't hold it in anymore, and so, he burst into tears.<br/>"I love you, I love you too, I love you so much, please"<br/>He cried out, his whole body shaking as he tried to find calmness through Kuroo.</p><p>Kuroo frowned, holding the smaller man closer to him.</p><p>"Don't let him take you, please don't let him- fight back, please.. not you,"<br/>Kenma begged, his sobs racking his body.</p><p>"Kenma," Kuroo murmured. He tried to not let Kenma's cries affect him for he knew increasing his heart rate could-</p><p>"I-I'll eat better," Kenma's voice cracked as he sobbed "I'll put more effort into everything, I'll h-help everyone who asks for help, just please don't take him," his teeth chattered together, trying to calm him down.<br/>Kenma wasn't talking to Kuroo, he was talking to something he barely believed in, something that could and would take Kuroo away from him.</p><p>"I promise! I'll do better! With everything- w-with everything, I'll-" Kenma's words failed, but he let them try again. "I'll do so much better, with everything I am... I'll give you everything I am. I will- make the world better, make it soft for you..." Kenma cried out his promises, hoping they'd be heard by something. Anything.</p><p>Kuroo smiled, but it only pained him more.</p><p>"My heart- it's yours, Kenma. Even after this, after this world, after this u-universe," Kuroo's breath hitched and caught in his throat "after all of this pain,, when we get to be free, together again, my heart will still be yours. And it will be happy no matter where yours decides to go to."</p><p>"Kenma... I want you to know, y-you," his voice hurt, but he continued to make the most of it, "you are loved.. and so many people are proud of you. A-and you still have them after me."<br/>Pain surrounded him and he forced himself to stop speaking. That was enough for Kenma.</p><p>Kenma sobbed after, his face buried in Kuroo's bandages, his face buried in all of Kuroo's pain.</p><p>Kuroo ran his hands through Kenma's hair- gently and as a way to say- <em>I'm</em><em>still</em><em> here</em></p><p>Kuroo breathed in, breathed out, he felt himself falling into a forever darkness.</p><p>It hurt.</p><p>It hurt so bad.</p><p>His heart tried.<br/>His heart jumped and ran.</p><p>But he couldn't.</p><p>"Kenma.." Kuroo let his name slip for his lips. "I love your name," he smiled as if his words would stall his death. <br/>Kenma's sobs were calmer as he listened go Kuroo, taking in each word he said.</p><p>Kuroo's hands glided over Kenma's cheek and he kept it there, opening his eyes to stare at him for the last time.</p><p>Kenma's heart shook, as did he as he stared into Kuroo's eyes, which were once full with <b>sparks</b> of happiness and immortality, that were now filled with pain and mortality.</p><p>Kuroo wasn't immune to death, but that's what Kenma wanted to believe for so long.<br/>After every time Kenma knew he could've lost his Kuroo, he vowed to do better, to protect him.<br/>He knew this time, this time he wouldn't get another chance.</p><p>Kenma placed his hand atop of Kuroo's, and for a second, there was no more shaking, there was no more pain, there was no more tears.<br/>That second was lost in the land of time.</p><p>That's when Kuroo felt it.<br/>The sudden rush, the sudden action building up inside of him, the sudden passion.<br/>He held on tighter to Kenma, the words couldn't rush out of mouth, he couldn't say them all, not in time.</p><p><em>I love you </em>he thought, over and over.</p><p><em>Not yet, please </em>the other side of his mind begged as his heart burned.</p><p>Kenma watched as the sparks in which were held by Kuroo's eyes disappeared into the wind.</p><p>Kuroo smiled at him, so calm and peaceful that Kenma would feel overwhelmed by how Kuroo's thoughts were all over the place.</p><p>Kuroo closed his eyes, hoping to sooth his panging head. Kenma held him closer. And Kuroo, he felt at peace.</p><p><em>I love you </em><br/>He thought, for the last time.</p><p>Then, the rush stopped. His eyes widened open. The pain submerged him like a whale taking a gulp of water from the ocean.</p><p>
  <em>It hurts.</em>
</p><p>Kuroo's last thoughts were never the ones he wanted them to be, but he was satisfied as long as they were with Kenma.</p><p>--</p><p>There was peace before the war, there was love before the hate, there was happiness before the anger.</p><p>Kenma never experienced anything like it before.</p><p>Once the monitor went off, beeping and messing with his mind for eternity, Kenma's life broke apart.</p><p>"Kuroo? Kuroo,"<br/>He called out, fixing himself up as he looked at the heart monitor.</p><p>His eyes were now dry for it had been a while since he stopped crying and trembling.</p><p>"Kuroo please,"<br/>He continued, careful to not touch Kuroo.</p><p>Kenma hurried himself off of the bed, Kuroo's ragged and burned hand falling from Kenma's fragile head and onto the bed.<br/>He pressed the button in hopes the doctors would rush over.</p><p>"Kuroo,"<br/>He called out again, nudging Kuroo's shoulder, his eyes were wide.</p><p>The doctors ran in and soon, Kenma was nothing.</p><p>They pushed him out of the room.<br/>They seated him in a chair. They offered to get him tea.</p><p>Kuroo's thoughts were focused on Kuroo.<br/>They wouldn't tell him anything.</p><p>"Is he gone?"<br/>He finally asked the nurse, his hands shaking with anticipation.</p><p>The nurse frowned, seating herself in front of him.</p><p>"The doctors are trying, dear–"</p><p>Kenma looked at his empty hand, the one he used to hold Kuroo's in his. It no longer felt full, but empty.</p><p>He blocked out the nurse and focused on his hand.<br/>He knew her words were nothing but mindless reassurance they were probably trained to say.</p><p>The nurse went away soon after. Kenma waited silently.</p><p>"I'm afraid to say... we couldn't save him,"<br/>The nurse stated in a gentle voice, now sat in front of Kenma once again.</p><p>Kenma's panic arose, his trembling began anew, but he sucked in a deep breath and let it wash away.</p><p>The nurse went away, and Kenma burst into tears.</p><p>He burst into tears, not because he was hurt, but because he would never get to see Kuroo smile again.<br/>He would never get to hear Kuroo's stupid laugh.<br/>He would never get to feel the comfort of being in Kuroo's arms.<br/>He would never, ever get to be with him again.</p><p>There would be no more moments, there would be no more memories.</p><p>Kenma's sobs racked his body, forcing him to hold onto the chair.</p><p><em>I </em><em>hate</em><em> you</em><br/>He thought, over and over.<br/>To Kuroo, for leaving him and never getting to get married and having children and dying at an old age.<br/>To them, whatever it was, that took Kuroo away from him.<br/>Lastly, to himself, for not making the most of it.</p><p>Bokuto and Akaashi were the ones to find Kenma, drunken in his tears, exhausted, sitting at the empty table.</p><p>"I couldn't-" Kenma's voice shook with every syllable he tried to speak out. "I couldn't save him! I couldn't- why couldn't I?!" he cried out, more tears he thought he didn't have left ran down his face.</p><p>Boktuo and Akaashi held him. They held him tightly and silently.</p><p>Kenma's pain was endless, but he tried to stop it all and hide it away.</p><p>.</p><p>Kenma stared at the lights, his eyes following each one of them as they danced in the sky.</p><p>And for a second, he wondered, would Kuroo be up there?</p><p>And for a long second, his heart ached again and again.</p><p>Kuroo died clean and pretty.<br/>Maybe not so pretty, all burnt and sad, but pretty inside.</p><p>Kuroo died and no one would ever know what he thought.</p><p>Kuroo died and he was nothing but a mere memory, a mere photograph.</p><p>Kenma huffed out his sigh and looked back at his gingerbread house.</p><p>"Candycane.."<br/>He murmured under his breath as he placed candy canes around the house to make them look like trees.</p><p>And the final touch, a black cat cookie with a Santa hat on.</p><p>He smiled to himself and he was at peace.</p><p>.<br/>.</p><p>.-..<br/>..-<br/>...-</p><p>.<br/>.<br/>-</p><p>Love was never meant for Kenma.</p><p>Love would never stop and consider Kenma.</p><p>Maybe where Kenma was free, love would be meant for him.</p><p>Maybe where Kuroo was, where everyone Kenma loved was, love would be meant for him.</p><p>But alas, this time, he simply lost this game that he was meant to lose over and over.</p><p>In finalé,<br/>all lights that burned bright,<br/>all lights that <b>sparke</b>d with happiness<br/>all those lights decayed and basked in the sunlight of nothingness</p><p> </p><p><b>12.23.2020.</b><br/>10153.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was inspired by @sidkozume on TikTok, please go check her out!<br/>I hope everyone's had a good day, please make sure to eat, shower, do homework, whatever it is! Take care of yourself, although I know it might be hard.<br/>Thank you all so much for reading this :]</p></blockquote></div></div>
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